Why awkwardness is our own barrier

The title is pretty misleading, huh? There are so many emotions we can actually imagine that actually take place in us. Most of us are pretty aware that basically, there are 4 generalized emotions. Joy, anger, sadness & fear. ( Inside out reference as we all know HAHAHA)  But, I feel like there's always this emotion that often goes unnoticeable. It isn't anything like anger or joy. Neither it is anything like sadness or fear but rather, it's more of an in-between. Personally, feeling this way sucks so much. Awkwardness. Gosh, I literally hate this feeling & I can guarantee people are feeling this way at least once everyday but really, what is awkwardness? Basically, feeling uncomfortable or not at ease. Well, this was according to the dictionary but rather, I like to think that awkwardness is a lack of confidence. Perhaps, because of someone's presence or act, you just literally want to squirm into a hole and just hide from everything that can possibly exist. I must say, that no matter how confident a person is, there will always be something or someone who makes him/her feel awkward at a point of time. This isn't just purely uncomfortable but I like to think that although there are cases where people meet strangers and get all uncomfortable, there are also cases where certain people make you want to avoid them & really, just stop existing. Why?

It all goes back to our complex inferiority. If someone who has always been feeling conscious about her height stands next to a friend whose height is perfect according to her, he/she would feel inferior. Seems a little over exaggerated, right? But, honestly speaking, things like this really do happen. We just don't notice, or choose to not face the truth. There isn't really any thing we can do about the people we feel uncomfortable with because the problem doesn't lie with them. But rather, us. It's totally alright and it's okay to feel this way. ITS NOT OUR FAULT. We're humans and humans feel so what wrong lies in it? 

Accept yourself. Your flaws & everything you feel conscious about. Take them all in. They're all part of you and it's beautiful because in this world where people are often too busy or too conscious of what others think, it's honestly, really beautiful, for a person to stay true to himself/herself. How rare is it to have someone not losing himself/herself when too many, MANY people lose themselves to fit in with the norm & people. It's okay to be the one choosing the odds. It's okay to be the only one with weirdness literally bursting out of you. It's truly rare. Don't adjust yourselves to people's standards to feel better about yourself. I've always believed that you should be surrounded by people not to make yourself feel better , but to enrich your life with more beautiful things. Awkwardness, psh. Nothing really seems too big of a deal, actually. It's just that we feel a lot and overthink too many things. Take a step back, relax a little. No one is actually really superior to anyone. It's just the inner thoughts in us creating this illusion, Each and everyone of us has our own insecurities and we're all flawed in many ways but it's never supposed to be an issue because God never wanted us to be perfect. He created us differently with different talents and specialities. And together with our good, came the flaws. To accept them is to accept ourselves. To embrace the flaws and make them an important significance of us is really what creates that sparkle in each of us. Don't compare yourself to anyone, don't. Why should we when we're all uniquely different yet beautiful in our own ways? 

To you, who's ever once felt that way, inferior and awkward, I just really want to let you know that you don't have to do anything to become less awkward and more sociable. People are coming up with more solutions but the only thing I've ever believed is to be yourself. Don't attempt to create the you who's really not you but that 'you' you were once. Playing under the rain and saying whatever comes to mind. Don't tense up, be yourself because that's what we've all forgotten all these years after we turned 10. 10 because I remembered people telling me to grow up and plan my future so that I'm ahead of others. But along the way, I finally realized that all we should actually be wanting to do is to not let anyone dull that sparkle in us and to not ever lose yourself. Be who you are and you'll find the right people who love you for who you are. Forget about being popular or hoping to be accepted by the rest. Accept yourself, firstly. 

You're not alone, step by step, and the day will come where you're applaud for yourself, the you who has stayed true all the way. It's never too late. 

Best Of Luck ❤️

Eventually.

" Sometimes, it's not the people that change but the mask that falls off. " - quotespaper.com

There are so many types of endings. The kind which leaves us feeling blessed and content. The kind which leaves us heartbroken and sad. And there is also the kind which leaves us in between, empty and confused. The days that leave us wondering how we ended up like that. The empty conversations full of nothing but small talks. The gaze in their eyes that tell you everything you'll never want to know because it's going to hurt a lot. We spend so much time wondering if we could go back to how we used to be, how things were just in their right places. And the irony is that we find ourselves tearing up upon thinking of the happy moments. I don't know what all these actually imply, I just know that a person would have to go through all of these at any point of his/her life. It's not going to be easy. We all know that it takes more than just courage to overcome the fear.

The fear is not that we are going to suffer but the fear is that we're going to be alone at the end of the day.

You see, people will change. There is no guarantee that they're going to stay with you for as long as the earth goes around the sun. There is no such promise that people won't get sick and tired of you. And there is no such ending where everyone is going to be here, always. I'm not sure why some people have the right to leave and exit your life, as if you never mattered. I honestly don't think it's morally right. But then again, we can continue to blame them for everything but at the end of the day, who's the one at the losing end? You see, we can continue to chase after people to fight for their attention and eventually, tire ourselves out but there isn't actually a need to. Why cross an ocean for someone who wouldn't even cross a puddle for you? It's alright to be kind. It's honestly such a great thing to be nice to others but there is a fine line between being nice and being trampled over by the people we care for. Everyone is going to change and it goes the same for you. You'll change. Eventually, you'll start to learn the importance of being happy and do things that make YOU happy and not just to satisfy people. It's in your hands. You can shape the ending you desire. You don't have to go after people who have made the decision to leave. You're more than just that. I hope that each and everyone of you here, reading this, know that you're all special in your ways and you don't have to please people to fit in and continue winning over people who have left. There are so many more people who are going to appear in your life and it's not worth it to give everything up for a person who doesn't care. 

     Credits to Owner. 

You can do this. You are better off without the people who make you feel bad about yourself. Be happy. 

 

Best of luck 💫

Be you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had a chance to become someone else for a day, who would you want to be? Often, this questions comes across my mind. I feel like typical people, perhaps, you and I, would want to be someone great. Someone popular, pretty or even our very own best friends. And you know, it's become a habit for us to constantly admire people around us. It's a good thing, it really is. I'm not denying that fact. But it's just that as we admire others, we evidently forget ourselves. 

That's sad, isn't it? We have always been looking up to people to only end up despising ourselves. At the end of the day, we don't want to become the true us. We laugh because we feel like there's a need to, behave the way people would want us to and keep everything to our vulnerable selves. It may seem rare, but believe me. I believe that there's a million people out there including the people around you who find this familiar. 

"The need to fit in to avoid people's judgements."

Everyone does it so it becomes weird if you don't. If you don't, people stray away from you. And to avoid that, we behave the way everyone does because we fear. It's that sense of insecurity that fears us, and that, we're gonna be alone at the end of the day. It's scary, just thinking about it. And that's probably why we try to fit in and hide our true selves. We feel like people are watching us, observing our every move, judging us. And so, it gradually becomes a habit to behave how a person should behave to avoid embarrassment and judgement. It's atrocious that everyone's hiding behind a mask but at the same time, we can't do without it. God shapes us in many different ways, hence different characters and faces. We differ from one another because each and everyone of is unique in every single way. 

"YOU are SPECIAL"

Apply the same logic then. If we're all different and special in different way, why should we then feel the need to blend in with the majority and do what everyone does? In fact, there's no need to. This logic is made up by how society has been brought up and we can either choose to conform to it. Or go against it. If the world was full of insecure people, then where do we find happiness? Real happiness. It's indeed fortunate that around us, there are people who love themselves for who they are and it's obvious. You can see the gleam in their eyes. It's not mascara, contact lens that make their eyes special but it's that gleam that tells you all they want to be is themselves. Their true selves instead of convering up their insecurities. It's okay, you know, to be insecure. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay, you don't have to hide them. Show them, show your insecurities. Don't hide them, this is what makes you special and different from the rest. Judgement is unavoidable. I've heard that a person automically makes an impression of a person in 7 seconds and you can tell, it's pretty short. But if all we had were 7 seconds, you either go big or go home. Be confident, show them what you're made up of, truly. There are going to be people who don't like you. Yes, this is reality. This is not a happily-ever-after land. It's unavoidable, again. But again, we have the choice to be affected or shake it off with humour. And because, it's so rare to have people being so true and real, there are going to be people who find you interesting to befriend and who knows, he/she could be your closest best friend. This is what the world is about. There are going to be times where things get hard or you feel like giving up. But above all that, one thing that people lack is being true to who they are. It's gratifying to be able to live according to who you truly and be surrounded with people who truly treasure you for who you are. Live a life you want to have and not projected to what others want you to. Say 'No' to things you don't want to do and stand firm in your beliefs. 

It's your call to be yourself. 

   ( credits to owner of picture ^ ) 

Words can hurt

Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.

Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind (The Kingkiller Chronicle, #1)

Words can make someone feel good. A compliment or two can brighten his/her day. In our everyday lives, have we taken the opportunity to greet someone with a big smile? As society changes, people change too and gradually, they start to lose their character. Though words can put a smile on someone's face, they can also be the reason why the blazer is sliding across his/her arm. Such irony. But it's true. The words that we unintentionally let out cannot be taken back. Perhaps, it's an entertainment for you but someone out there may be shutting his/her doors breaking down because of you. The words you said. You can take them back. He/She may let this go but there are some things in life that cannot be forgotten. 

It hurts to have someone saying mean things of you behind your back. It hurts to know that you have to be labelled by their names. It's no longer just 'fun'. It's torturing someone emotionally, playing with his/her emotions like a game. It's having what you call 'fun' at the expense of someone's pain. It's a broken recorder, repeating the words in your head over and over again. It's bullying.

Everyone has a right to have his/her opinions but it's no longer right when you judge someone just because he/she isn't your cup of tea. It's just very ....... wrong.

Words are powerful. A wound inflicted by a sword will heal and no matter how long it takes, it will heal but a wound inflicted by words will never heal. It stays there till your walls are knocked down and you will begin to crumble. Bullying is horrifying.

The fact that a person with a beating heart can cause such emotional damage to a person who did nearly nothing. It's not that he/she refuses to fight back and stand up for herself but it's the insecurity and fear that the people he/she loved would just leave her/him, one by one, leaving him to be swallowed in his/her darkness. The words we say. The damage caused. We will never understand what that person has been through and neither will we understand how is it like to be treated like trash. The pain just stays there but on a second thought, the pain isn't there anymore because the heart is just numb. It has grown accustomed to the pain to the extent that it's just experiencinh the many setbacks of a day. It's hard to imagine how's it like to go to school with heavy footsteps, with thoughts of gossips and teasing from the kids in your class. It's hard to imagine how's it like to go to work, knowing the fact that gossips from the boss's bootlickers could lose your income to provide for the family. 

You know, people study hard and aspire to get a good job after graduating from college/ university but what's the point of reading ridiculous amounts of books when we don't even have the basic principle in us to respect people as to who they are and not based on our judgements?  And yet, the society works in a way where those who really need help, the ones that couldn't make it by themselves because they would just collapse, are just tossed aside and left to fend for themselves. And those who fake it all, attention seeking, are loved by many people. - Adapted from http://cdn.sixbillionsecrets.com/2012/3/4/l_18_sixbillionsecrets.com_1576808_1330916644.jpg

credits : owner

The kid in your class whom everyone calls fat. He's skipping three meals per day to fit in. The nerd in your class everyone makes fun of. She's pressurized by her parents and has anxiety attacks. The girl in your class who's apparently defined as 'ugly' is saving money to undergo a plastic surgery which will make her feel better. Emotionally and physically. 

We all have stories of our own and no one has the right to judge someone based on his/her preferences. The words we say that many at times, we hardly take note of. But please. Take the effort to think through before speaking. I can't promise you that things are going to be better or what but trust me. 

Because at least, there will be one lesser person who's cooping under the blanket, escaping from reality. One lesser person whose razor is sliding across his/her arm. 

Bullying is not a joke. It can cause a person anguish and pain. And that, is no longer a reason for you to continue.

What may seem 'fun','entertaining' to us may be at the expense of someone's pain. Become the change you want to see. A positive change maker to end bullying starts with you. Stay strong.

Best Of Luck

Priscilla x

Moving On

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.” -Tupak Shakur

Whenever I'm on the last chapter of a book, I'd feel a little bit of everything. Sadness. Disappointment. Regretful. What if the ending of the book isn't what I expect? What if everything can replay itself once again like a broken video recorder? What if...? What if? These questions will go through my mind when  I flip the pages. Similar to our lives, I'm quite certain that there were times where we couldn't let go of the past. We were unable to lie to ourselves that perhaps, everything might just be okay at the end of the day. And slowly by slowly, we allow ourselves to be consumed by that tinge bit of fear in us. A broken friendship, a memorable past and an unforgettable person. We cannot let go because we are still stuck on that certain page and we think to ourselves, 'Would things be different if I had done this instead?' Similar thoughts like this would have run through our minds and eventually leave us, confused and regretful. However, nothing will happen even if we spend a million days pondering and analyzing a situation. What's done has been done and there is absolutely nothing, I repeat, nothing we can do to make the situation better. After all, what is the point crying over spilled milk?

Perhaps, you're unable to let go of someone. But on a second thought, while you're here missing all the memories, that very person could be out enjoying himself/herself with a bunch of new friends. It sucks, doesn't it. Knowing the fact that you seem to be the only one living in the past while others have moved on longed ago really is horrible. That feeling, I get it. But as I've mentioned, there's nothing you can do anyway. Since the possibility of reuniting with that friend is 0.0000001% and a better chance of seeking a new path is 99.99999999%, what are your instincts telling you now then? :)

Ways to officially move on :
Moving on is never easy but no one said it was impossible.

1) Start living and appreciating.
As we drown in the past, we find ourselves constantly living in the past and at the same time, wishing we could return to it. This, of course, just shows that we are unable to accept the situation we are in and practically escaping from reality. Instead of wasting precious time thinking of the past, why not start appreciating the people who have been there for you since the beginning and not the ones who came and went. The love showered from our family. The concern shown by our peers telling you that they'll be there for you no matter what. These people are the ones we should treasure and love. And by letting go of the regrets you've had, you will find yourself gradually adapting to the real situation and who knows? Perhaps, you would've been too busy enjoying with the ones you love and would've long forgotten the past you thought you were unable to. You see, as long as we overcome that teeny bit of fear in us, nothing, almost nothing is really impossible. All it takes is a determind mindset and a brave heart.

2) Understand that not everything is in our control all the time.

There will be some things that just aren't up to us to decide and we might even end up hating those decisions but do note that everything happens for a reason. God's plans happen for a reason. Trust me on that. However, though we are unable to control the direction of the wind, we can control the ship. We can control our mindsets. We can control whether we are going to be affected. We can control the type of life we are going to live. We can change our destinies and not everything is pre arranged. Put your mind to it and believe in yourself. Our fates lie in our hands and only we can take the action to change it. 

3) Socialise out there

To start a whole new chapter, you would need a brand new set of company. New people. Meet new people and exchange contacts. It's always good to know more people. Expanding connections, there's no harm! Join gatherings, birthday blasts, parties and night outs with a bunch of friends! With more people entering your life, it'd be much easier for the memories of the past that you cannot bear to let go to gradually fade off. 

4) This is just part and parcel of life.

There will be people who come and go. There will also be people who would stay by your side. And through this journey, we will discover more of ourselves and who we truly are. The changes in our lives are necessary to allow us to grow from a young, small and innocent child to a mature adult. Be thankful for the the things that are happening and remember that God's plans are always for our good. You don't necessarily have to forget all the memories but just keep in mind of the good ones and cherish your present relationships. Gradually, you'll be able to find yourself letting go and moving on.

I've been there, just like you've and I know moving on is often the hardest. That's totally okay. Simple because, we're all growing up. 

Seek your chance and do what you think you should. Are you going to dwell on the past or learn from past experiences and take control of today? It's your call.

Cr: Owner

Best Of Luck

Priscilla

Happy Or Useful

Happy? Happiness? What is it exactly? Is it just having fun or spreading joy to the people around us? On another hand, is being useful better than being happy? To be honest, let's just say I was dumbstrucked by this question, which I believe this is the exact state you are right now. I must say this question is practically the chicken and egg question. Which comes first? The egg? Or the chicken? No one probably has that answer. Oh well, maybe one or two but still. 

Let's break things out. Happiness is a blessing. To be happy is what every individual should aim for in his/her life. Just because what's the point in earning big bucks when you're all alone, sad and lonely. That, I agree. However, happiness is no longer a top priority when you neglect the people around you. Their emotions. Their feelings. Their self-esteems. Happiness will not last long that way because no one likes it when your friends start to distance from you gradually. Isn't it? Being happy is important but being happy to brighten up someone's day is even more important. 

Wait...doesn't this bring up another problem? How do you become happy when you are so busy making someone else's day? And this leads us to our second question. Being useful is indeed advantageous to the people around us and the society we are in. Being useful shows that you have a talent in something which another person might not have. However, at the end of the day, almost everyone is doing things for their own benefits. At the same time, while you're too busy helping and contributing to others, you start to forget about something. If you're on the right track, it's likely you'll know what you've forgotten. Especially if you've been in this situation. That's right. Bingo. 

Yourself. You've forgotten about yourself while being too busy over others' issues. There will be such situations that we cannot avoid but we can set priorities. Being useful while being happy. It's true that when you help others, you get that sense of joy too but there's one thing you need to understand — Sometimes, it's good to be on the receiving end at times so that it isn't just a 'giving' thing and instead, it's a 'giving and taking' thing. To love and do something for yourself while loving others because it's impossible to learn to love the people around you when you are unable to love yourself. And that's how you obtain happiness brought by others when they help you too just like how you do. Being useful and being happy.

There is a quote I know of, 'The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well'. 

Even with this quote, I still can't quite conclude which is a more important factor but one thing I know for sure is that while being useful and leading a good life, it's important to take a step back and see the bigger picture. That's when you know a little fairy powder has been added to your life. Having the best of both worlds is never possible but isn't it simply life? :-)

Best Of Luck

Priscilla 

In The Blink Of An Eye

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.

- Mother Teresa

Time waits for none. In the blink of an eye, many people have came and gone. In the blink of an eye, your best friend may have joined another clique. In the blink of an eye, someone you love dearly will be going off. In the blink of an eye, anything can happen. I repeat, anything.

I wouldn't end this with a happy ending because deep in our hearts, we clearly know that happy ever afters do not exist and are possibly only in fairy tales ( an escape from reality that is only once in a blue moon ). And we know that things don't last forever simply because, the society and the people around us change with time. It's ridiculous how it works though. For a moment, you could be the first candidate on the haters' list to hate someone and possibly made a mental note to never talk to that person. However, the next moment, you could be the very same person who's actually crying and begging the person not to go. Such irony but yes. They do work like that, at least in my opinion. However, as heartless reality is, there will always be a glimpse of silver lining out there among the dark clouds. And that is, though we cannot have everything to be in our control, we can learn to take things in our stride by appreciating and being thankful to the people have stayed by your side since the beginning. To love all who love you and the ones who despise you because love comes more naturally to the heart than hate for even the worst human out there is not born with a heart of stone. Lend a hand to those who require your assistance. It doesn't necessarily be hard chores that require great strength all the time. Instead, it can be as simple as giving a big teddy hug to someone who's having an utterly horrible day. You see, you don't necessarily have to use words to comfort a person but instead by sitting by his/her side, listening to his/her woes and you could be of a much greater help. Your assistance doesn't necessarily solve a person's problem immediately but it's more than enough because your actions tell him/her that no matter what happens, even if the sky falls or the ground splits, I'll be there for you.

Right here, I'm telling you that there will never be an ending that we all agree on. Perhaps, the person standing next to you might leave tomorrow. Or the person whom you love dearly will no longer be around. That feeling. No one likes it. Time isn't in our control but as long as we leave no regrets for tomorrow and treasure the loved arounds around us, I think time is and will no longer be a factor. Say ' I love you' to your mom, dad  or even your friends. Hug everyone you see ( Not literally but guys, you get what I mean :) ) Appreciate everyone around you. Time is ticking. Yes it is. I hear it. Everyone hears it but are you going to wait for regrets when you no longer do? 

Best Of Luck 

Priscilla x